Today, I took the first step in fulfilling a dream that I’ve had for many, many years. For the last two days, I was able to work through the Lilias Trotter collection at Wheaton College. If you’ve been around me long, you know that this artist-turned-missionary captured my interest. So much so, I even have one of her sketches tattooed on my arm.
My pursuit of this dream was not for lack of encouragement. It was for lack of self-worth. Over the last couple of years, my whole life flipped upside down. Those changes were a mess of good and bad, heartbreak and healing, joy and sorrow.
By God’s grace, I married a man who, when I said I no longer felt like myself, did not only offer a word of encouragement, but was insistent that we sacrifice our time, money, and energy to send me on this trip.
I’ve always desired and dreamed to grow this interest, to learn as much and write as much as I can about Lilias. I believe that the way she saw the gospel in the simplicities of Creation and the tenacity with which she served as a missionary in Algeria have much to teach us today.
For two days, I held Lilias Trotter’s journals and paintings in my hands, studied and analyzed her words, and let my dreams have the fuel they are so desperate to receive.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but I know I have an unwavering call to write about and study Lilias Trotter. As a mentor once told me, if you have a subject that won’t let go of you, that’s a good sign you should pick up and write.
These two days balanced invigoration and exhaustion, and by God’s grace this will only be the beginning. More and more as I seek to obey what the Lord has called me to do, I am confident I will feel more and more like myself. Because who are we but God’s children, molded and shaped by His perfect and guiding hand, created to create and loved to love?
All I know, for now, is how thankful I am for Randy and for the Lord’s kindness to provide this opportunity that I might know and love him more as I study the life of Isabella Lilias Trotter.
“For a portion of the Spirit
Hiding somewhere in my heart
I gave thanks to God, beseeching
That he never might depart
Be ye filled with the Spirit
Do I dream or do I wake
What I craved in smallest measure
Boulders I am charged to take”
– Lilias Trotter, 1893 journal, page 82
Allyson Howell 